Wednesday, May 14, 2008

On the Road Again... (12/50)

Oh my! That made me laugh, I will definitely have to use that title over and over again. Which leads me to a thought which is of no reference to this post. I was once asked if all gay guys listen or watch things repeatedly. The asker posed this question to me because in his experience of all the gay fellas he knew, listened to the same CD or watched the same movies over and over and over again.
I don't know the answer to that question. All I know is that I personally have watched Gypsy with Bette Midler about 2,000 times in the past week. I also listen to the CD "An Evening With... Bea Arthur" every single day as I drive to and from work.
I am making my grand come-back to the US (appearing for 4 weeks only) in September and we will be driving more of the country than I can even comprehend.
I am a huge fan of the Road Trip. I spent most of my childhood summers on cross country road trips... 5 family members crammed into a very used 1974 Chevy Shitheap... You can imagine the laughs.
This time around, the man and I will hire a gas guzzling, eco-unfriendly SUV to pollute the every National Park between San Franciso and New York. I can't wait!!!!
The first portion of the drive will be from San Francisco to Los Angeles, taking 2 days to casually drive down the coast and stop at all of the quaint coastal towns, such as Monterey, San Simeon and Solvang. The third city is just to gorge on pastries and get fat just in time to have a quick liposuction in LA.
From LA we will be continuing onward for a night in Las Vegas. I am thrilled. You can probably see how thrilled I am by the generous use of exclamation points.
From the Sin City to the Grand Canyon. Where the first thing I will do is jump over the cliff.
After the Canyon rescue, on wards to the Petrified Forest. Which I am not yet sure is exclamation point worthy.
From here, the details become a bit vague. Up through to Mesa Verde (skipping 4 Corners, because really, who care about laying on the ground and each limb in a different state?) and over to Colorado Springs to visit the devastating beautifully Garden of the Gods. I shall make a statement, that although I was born in Colorado Springs, I have no desire to spend any amount of time there. Can anyone convince me otherwise?
But if there is anyone from Colorado Springs, do you remember that song "We Love You Colorado Springs" given out as promotional 45s from a bank? I listened that song over and over and over again.
After I sing that song loudly from a cliff in Garden of the Gods, my man will proceed to jump off the aforementioned cliff... Then we will carry on to Denver.
After taking all that Denver has to offer we will head over to my kind of town... Chicago. "Hello, Prada! Here I come!!" "Hello, patty melt from the Melrose! Here I come!!!" "Hello, Liposuction Surgeon (again)! Here I come!!"
I should mention that, on the journey from Denver to Chicago, we will have the thrill of spending the night in Omaha. Omaha, of course, is well known for its wild night life and drag queens.
From Chicago it is back in the car and on to Cleveland, to see the sights such as... I am sure something will pop up.
Just when you thought the fun could never stop, we then head over to Niagara Falls, the honeymoon capital of the world. Where the man and I will hop into barrels and go over the falls... Canadian side, of course.
Hopefully the barrels will eventually float to Toronto, but I think that is in the opposite direction. I am not very good when it comes to Canadian geography. I have been to Canada on many occasions, and I know that everyone is very polite.
What is the old joke? "How do you get 100 Canadians out of a pool? You say, "Can everyone please get out of the pool?"
It doesn't sound like I am terribly enthused about this road trip. I am... no, really.
It sure beats a road trip in Australia. You drive for 20 hours and see nothing except desert, old tin cans and dead kangaroos. Then you get kidnapped by that Wolf Creek guy and become a head on a stick.

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