Friday, February 26, 2010


Today let's talk wardrobe malfunctions.

We all have them, at least I need to believe that we all have them... Malfunctions that would make one run away in shame and not appear in public again for the next three years.

This afternoon I was setting up a marketing display as a favour and in the middle of this crowded room, I squatted down and my heard this gigantic "RRRRRRRIPPPP!"

The seams in the entire seat of my pants had torn wide open!

I will let you in on a little secret, it is casual Friday. Even though I was wearing a suit, I thought I would be a little "free & easy" underneath, if you catch my drift... or should I say "draft"?

I jumped with my back to the nearest wall and slinked out of the room, and straight to my car, sped all the way home.

I was so depressed I ate an entire cake.

Tell me about your wardrobe malfunction?

Wednesday, February 24, 2010


A couple months ago, I broke the coffee machine at work... again.

I was showing off to a group of people on how to make a proper cappuccino when suddenly the machine blew up and went dead!

So I did the only thing I could think of, I ran away and pretended as if I didn't do it.

The machine was sent over to Sydney for repair and the diagnosis came back on Tuesday... it exploded because (cover your eyes if you are squeamish) cockroaches shorted out the circuit board.

This news should have came as a surprise however last year there was a mysterious odour smothering the kitchen. Something was dead.

A search committee was formed and they scoured every inch of the kitchen looking for the source, with no results.

A second, more scent sensitive search committee was formed and they located the vile odour was coming from the microwave. There was no food inside of the microwave and it only been cleaned that morning.

The search committee unscrewed the back of the microwave and found (cover your eyes if you are squeamish) a dead rat.

I am just waiting for a snake to come up through the toilet.

PS - You may have noticed that earlier I stated this was the second time I broke the coffee machine. The first was actually a hilarious episode that ensued in a witch hunt. I still save the copy of the email that went around telling off the person who did it. I will share that with you later, as in after I leave the company.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010


I received an email from the service with whom my comments were previously provided informing me that that they were shutting down and I had about a week to transfer over to a new service.

Of course I forgot and left it for about 3,000 weeks.

The other day I finally got around to doing so, only I was in a rush and it was hot, so I just used the now defunct service's new service.

The new service is very different and seems a bit complicated, however some of the features seem to be a little bit better.

Tonight I actually tried it out for myself to see if and how it works, so here how it goes:

Click on "Comments"

A new window will open.

There is a entry titled "FROM" Here you can either simply type your name, or click on the arrow and sign in to your blog (or twitter, or yahoo, or whatever) account.

After that just type in your comment.

You may also add a YouTube video or images.

Another cool feature is that you can also reply to someone else's comment. If you want to be notified if anyone comments on your comment, at the bottom of the window you will see a drop down box titled "FOLLOW"

Click on this and choose the method you desire to be notified of your comment's comments and even your comment's comment's comments.

Sunday, February 14, 2010


I need to break out of my self-induced blogging reclusivity (is that a real word?) so I thought that this little meme going around would be a great way to start.

Do you get regular massages?
- No, I only like to be touched in a specific way.

Do you have an answering machine?
- Yes

What cuss word do you use the most?
- Fudge.

Are you underweight or overweight?
- I don't know, I get confused with the whole pound/stone/kilogram thing and just give up.

Can you see your veins?
- Yes you can, but not in the gross transparent skin sort of way.


- I like soap. I think soap is good, but I don't have a favourite soap. I like to wash my hands with liquid soap. I like to use gardenia & black geranium scented laundry soap. As long as the soap has nice slip factor, you now, not dried out but not too slippery.


Kind of red meat?
- A steak of some kind, I cannot recall my favourite cut although I can say it is definitely NOT flap.

- A nice thick salmon steak...

Candy bar?
- Butterfingers.

Have You Ever…

Eaten a whole bag of potato chips?
- Yes. Who hasn't? Those who say that they haven't are lying.

Eaten lobster?
- Yes. I much prefer a good crab.

Climbed a mountain?
- No. Who has? Those who say that they have are lying.

Been skydiving?
- Absolutely not. I have an insane fear of falling from high places. I don't fear the high places, in fact I love them, I just have a fear of falling off them. I think I might have been pushed off a cliff in a previous life.

Been water skiing?
- I'm not into watersports.

Do You…

Wish you could change something about your life?
- I wish I was one of those people who can handle the juggling of a full life. I also wish that when I get a "mood swing" it wasn't the boring "I don't feel like waking up" type of depression. I wish it was the other kind that makes people go dancing naked in their front yard.

Like your nose?
- Yes.

Like salt and vinegar chips?
- Yes, but sometimes that salt and vinegar combo can make my tongue hurt.

Eat salsa?
- Yes.

Own a boat?
- No. I cannot think of anything worse, than being trapped on a boat in the middle of the ocean where everything smells like fish and sharks linger.

What Is…

A small thing that people let slide but that actually has dire consequences?
- Not saying what we want when we want it. Often it leads to resentment.

Your most macho trait?
- I lop trees, grout tiles & build paddock fencing... for fun!

The longest relationship you’ve ever had?
- I don't remember. Plus start dates of gay relationships can be a bone of contention. Is it the day you met? The first time you had "relations"? When you moved in together? (Often all of those are the same day)

Your most embarrassing thoughts?
- I don't have embarrassing thoughts. Thoughts aren't embarrassing. Expressing the thoughts can be embarrassing, but not the thoughts.

Your most shameful moment?
See the one about the longest relationship


- Shower



Jelly/Cream Cheese?
-Cream Cheese.



My greatest weakness is…
- having no self control when it comes to indulgences.

Three things I wouldn’t do for a million dollars are…
- commit murder, stab my eyes with hot poker, tattoo my testicles, jump into a pool filled with broken glass and rusty nails... oh wait, that is four... I guess I remove "tattoo my testicles"

The oddest thing I’ve ever put in my mouth is…
- Those small round jelly candies which are coated in sugar and feel like a tongue.


Credit card you had?
- American Express

Loan you got was for?
- Car

Paycheck was for how much?
- Well, I made $3.75 an hour and I worked about 20 hours a week... multiplied by 2... so $150.00... minus federal taxes, state taxes & social security.. so nett probably like $110 dollars.

Time you had stitches?
- When I had lung surgery, 12 years ago.

Time you went to the hospital for something?
- My birth


List everything you ate in the last 24 hours?
- Cheese sandwich
- Plums
- Jalapeno poppers
- Spanish tasting plate
- Cheesecake
- Plums

Last thing you used a credit card for?
- Manhattan and a Midori & Lemonade