1. Started your own blog. CHECK.
2. Slept under the stars. CHECK. I HATE IT, ALTHOUGH ONCE I ATTENDED AN OUTBACK ARTS FESTIVAL AND ON THE WAY THERE TOOK THE WRONG ROAD AND GOT A FLAT TYRE. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OUTBACK WITH THE NEAREST ANYTHING BEING OVER AN HOUR DRIVE AWAY. SO I SLEPT ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD IN A SWAG UNDER THE STARS, AND THAT WAS SPECIAL... AND CREEPY AT ONCE.
3. Played in a band. NO.
4. Visited Hawaii. NO.
5. Watched a meteor shower. YOU DIRTY MONKEY. KINKY. CHECK.
6. Given more than you can afford to charity. WELL, I WORK FOR A CHARITY, HAVE FUND RAISED FOR CHARITIES AND ATTENDED MANY CHARITY BALLS, BUT YOU CAN NEVER REALLY GIVE TOO MUCH TO CHARITY.
7. Been to Disney World / Land. CHECK. WHICH IS THE ONE IN FLORIDA?
8. Climbed a mountain. CHECK. I LOVE TO CLIMB MOUNTAINS.
9. Held a praying mantis. NO.
10. Sang a solo. OH YEAH, EVERY MORNING I AM MAMA ROSE AND SING A FABULOUS SOLO TO THE DOG.
11. Bungee jumped. NO. NEVER. EVER. EVER.
12. Visited Paris. CHECK. I LOVE PARIS. I WANT TO LIVE IN PARIS. WE ARE TALKING ABOUT TEXAS RIGHT?
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea. NO.
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch. THE ART OF THE BEST MARTINI THIS SIDE OF THE EQUATOR.
15. Adopted a child. NO.
16. Had food poisoning. NO. BUT I HAVE HAD A WEAK STOMACH AFTER EATING SWEET CHILLI AND PHILLY DIP.
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty. NO.
18. Grown your own vegetables. GROWING YOUR OWN VEGGIES ROCK. EVERYONE SHOULD DO IT AT LEAST ONCE.
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France. NO. ALTHOUGH I DID SIT IN THE COURTYARD OF THE LOUVRE ALL AFTERNOON PEOPLE WATCHING. I WAS IN FRANCE AND I AM SURE SOME OF THE PEOPLE WERE NAMED MONA AND LISA.
20. Slept on an overnight train. YES. TRAINS SUCK.
21. Had a pillow fight. YES. BUT FEATHERS NEVER STARTED FLYING... I THINK THAT ONLY HAPPENS IN MOVIES.
22. Hitch-hiked. ONCE IN SOUTH CAROLINA. TRAVELLING FROM SAVANNAH TO CLEVELAND AND THE CAR RAN OUT OF GAS.
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill. TECHNICALLY,NO. I JUST SAY THAT I AM WORKING FROM HOME.
24. Built a snow fort. THERE IS A FINE ART TO MAKING A SNOW FORT... FOR THE LIFE OF ME I CANNOT REMEMBER WHAT THE ART IS, BUT I HAVE BUILT MANY SNOW FORTS.
25. Held a lamb. CHECK.
26. Gone skinny dipping. CHECK.
27. Run a marathon. NO. NEVER. EVER.
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice. NO.
29. Seen a total eclipse. POSSIBLY, I CAN'T REMEMBER IF IT WAS A TOTAL ECLIPSE OR NOT, BUT COME TO THINK OF IT, EVEN IF IT WAS A TOTAL ECLIPSE I KNOW THAT I DIDN'T ACTUALLY WATCH IT.
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset. YES.
31. Hit a home run. I COULD NOT EVEN HIT THE BALL AS FAR AS THE PITCHER.
32. Been on a cruise. NO. NEVER. EVER. EVER. EVER.
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person. MANY MANY TIMES. MOST RECENTLY WAS IN OCTOBER AND IT CHANGED. NOT THE FALLS BUT THE TOWN. THERE IS A CASINO AND LUXURY SHOPPING AND 5 STAR HOTELS AND IT IS ALL DESIGNED TO KEEP YOU DOING EVERYTHING ELSE EXCEPT SEE THE FALLS.
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors. HOW FAR BACK ARE WE TALKING HERE?
35. Been to an Amish community. MY MOTHER LIVES IN AMISH COUNTRY, SO, YES.
36. Taught yourself a new language. I ATTEMPTED TO LEARN MANDARIN, UNTIL A FRIEND OF MINE WHO WAS FROM BEIJING TOLD ME I SOUNDED LIKE A DUCK.
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied. YES. BUT THEN WHEN YOU REACH THAT LEVEL, YOU WANT MORE AND WHEN YOU GET MORE, YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY AND THE CYCLE CONTINUES.
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person. NO.
39. Gone rock climbing. SORT OF. I HAVE CLIMBED SOME ROCKS AND SOME CLIFFS BUT NOT IN THAT WHOLE HARNESS AND ROPE WAY.
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David. NO. I WAS TOO BUSY PRETENDING TO BE FRENCH AND PEOPLE WATCHING OUTSIDE OF THE LOUVRE.
41. Sung karaoke. DO I HAVE TO REALLY ADMIT, THAT YES I HAVE SUNG KARAOKE. I RETIRED FROM KARAOKE WHEN I DID A TRULY FANTASTIC VERSION OF ME AND BOBBY MCGEE THAT BROUGHT THE HOUSE DOWN. I FIGURED I SHOULD QUIT ON TOP.
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt. YES. AND YES.
43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant. YES. AN OLD LADY THAT REMINDED ME OF MY GRANDMA.
44. Visited Africa. NO.
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight. YES. ALTHOUGH I SHOULD STATE THAT IT WAS WHEN I WAS YOUNG AND WAS ON ACID AND THE FOAM WAS BLOWING ACROSS THE SAND AND WE WERE FREAKING OUT BECAUSE WE THOUGHT IT WAS LEMMINGS. WHICH OF COURSE IS RIDICULOUS AS WE WERE NO WHERE NEAR THE TUNDRA.
46. Been transported in an ambulance. NO.
47. STILL AWAKE?
48. Gone deep sea fishing. NO.
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person. NO
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris. AGAIN, I WAS TOO BUSY PEOPLE WATCHING UNDERNEATH THE EIFFEL TOWER TO ACTUALLY GO UP.
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling. I UNFORTUNATELY CAN NEVER GO SCUBA DIVING.
52. Kissed in the rain. YES.
53. Played in the mud. YES.
54. Gone to a drive-in theater. YES.
55. Been in a movie. YES.
56. Visited the Great Wall of China. NO.
57. Started a business. YES.
58. Taken a martial arts class. NO.
59. Visited Russia. NO.
60. Served at a soup kitchen. NO.
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies. NO.UNLESS YOU COUNT THAT ONE HALLOWEEN.
62. Gone whale watching. NO.
63. Gotten flowers for no reason. YES.
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma. DONATED? NO. WHEN I WAS 17 I SOLD MY PLASMA FOR $25 A SESSION.
65. Gone sky diving. NO. NEVER. EVER.
66. Visited a Nazi concentration camp. NO.
67. Bounced a check. YES. ONCE. IT WAS WHEN I FIRST MOVED TO CHICAGO AND SPENT ALL OF MY SAVINGS ON MOVING AND HAD NOT YET RECEIVED MY FIRST PAYCHECK (BECAUSE I STILL DIDN'T GET A JOB IN THE NEW TOWN YET) AND I SAW A FABULOUS PAIR OF GUCCI JEANS I HAD TO HAVE. I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING, BUT THE CHECK DID NOT BOUNCE AT GUCCI, BUT THE CHECK TO MY LANDLORD FOR MY VERY FIRST RENT PAYMENT BOUNCED BECAUSE I COULD NOT LIVE WITHOUT THESE JEANS.
68. Flown in a helicopter. YES.
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy. YES.
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial. YES.
71. Eaten caviar. YES! I NEED TO PASS ALONG MY RECIPE FOR CAULIFLOWER PANNA COTTA TOPPED WITH CAVIAR.
72. Pieced a quilt.OH GOD NO.
73. Stood in Times Square. YES.
74. Toured the Everglades. NO.
75. Been fired from a job. YES. ONCE.
76. Seen the changing of the guard in London. NO. IN LONDON I WAS TOO BUSY GOING TO CLUBS INSTEAD OF SEEING THE SITES AND ONLY MANAGED TO ACCIDENTALLY SEE BIG BEN AND PARLIAMENT WHEN I STUMBLED ACROSS IT WHILE LOOKING FOR A RAVE.
77. Broken a bone. YES. I WAS RIDING MY BIKE DOWN A BIG HILL WITH NO HANDS.
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle. NO.
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person. NO.
80. Published a book. NO.
81. Visited the Vatican. NO.
82. Bought a brand new car. NO. I WAS A HUGE TAXI MAN / WALKER THAT I NEVER HAD A NEED TO OWN A CAR. THEREFORE I HAVE ONLY OWNED TWO CARS IN MY LIFE: A VOLVO AND AN AUDI.
83. Walked in Jerusalem. NO.
84. Had your picture in the newspaper. YES.
85. Read the entire Bible. NO.
86. Visited the White House. NO.
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating. YES. FISHING... ALTHOUGH TO BE COMPLETELY HONEST. I NEVER GUTTED THE FISH.
88. Had chickenpox. YES.
89. Saved someone’s life. I HAVE SAVED A FEW DROWNING BEES FROM THE POOL.
90. Sat on a jury. NO.
91. Met someone famous. YES. AND I ALMOST MET SOMEONE WHO IS ALMOST FAMOUS BUT SHE DIDN'T SHOW UP FOR BRUNCH.
92. Joined a book club. YES.
93. Lost a loved one. YES.
94. Had a baby. NO.
95. Seen the Alamo in person. NO..
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake. NO.
97. Been involved in a lawsuit. NO.
98. Owned a cell phone. CHECK.
99. Been stung by a bee. YES. MANY TIMES AS I TRIED TO RESCUE THOSE UNGRATEFUL INSECTS FROM DROWNING IN THE POOL.
Now I would like to apologise for the most boring post ever.
2. Slept under the stars. CHECK. I HATE IT, ALTHOUGH ONCE I ATTENDED AN OUTBACK ARTS FESTIVAL AND ON THE WAY THERE TOOK THE WRONG ROAD AND GOT A FLAT TYRE. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OUTBACK WITH THE NEAREST ANYTHING BEING OVER AN HOUR DRIVE AWAY. SO I SLEPT ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD IN A SWAG UNDER THE STARS, AND THAT WAS SPECIAL... AND CREEPY AT ONCE.
3. Played in a band. NO.
4. Visited Hawaii. NO.
5. Watched a meteor shower. YOU DIRTY MONKEY. KINKY. CHECK.
6. Given more than you can afford to charity. WELL, I WORK FOR A CHARITY, HAVE FUND RAISED FOR CHARITIES AND ATTENDED MANY CHARITY BALLS, BUT YOU CAN NEVER REALLY GIVE TOO MUCH TO CHARITY.
7. Been to Disney World / Land. CHECK. WHICH IS THE ONE IN FLORIDA?
8. Climbed a mountain. CHECK. I LOVE TO CLIMB MOUNTAINS.
9. Held a praying mantis. NO.
10. Sang a solo. OH YEAH, EVERY MORNING I AM MAMA ROSE AND SING A FABULOUS SOLO TO THE DOG.
11. Bungee jumped. NO. NEVER. EVER. EVER.
12. Visited Paris. CHECK. I LOVE PARIS. I WANT TO LIVE IN PARIS. WE ARE TALKING ABOUT TEXAS RIGHT?
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea. NO.
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch. THE ART OF THE BEST MARTINI THIS SIDE OF THE EQUATOR.
15. Adopted a child. NO.
16. Had food poisoning. NO. BUT I HAVE HAD A WEAK STOMACH AFTER EATING SWEET CHILLI AND PHILLY DIP.
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty. NO.
18. Grown your own vegetables. GROWING YOUR OWN VEGGIES ROCK. EVERYONE SHOULD DO IT AT LEAST ONCE.
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France. NO. ALTHOUGH I DID SIT IN THE COURTYARD OF THE LOUVRE ALL AFTERNOON PEOPLE WATCHING. I WAS IN FRANCE AND I AM SURE SOME OF THE PEOPLE WERE NAMED MONA AND LISA.
20. Slept on an overnight train. YES. TRAINS SUCK.
21. Had a pillow fight. YES. BUT FEATHERS NEVER STARTED FLYING... I THINK THAT ONLY HAPPENS IN MOVIES.
22. Hitch-hiked. ONCE IN SOUTH CAROLINA. TRAVELLING FROM SAVANNAH TO CLEVELAND AND THE CAR RAN OUT OF GAS.
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill. TECHNICALLY,NO. I JUST SAY THAT I AM WORKING FROM HOME.
24. Built a snow fort. THERE IS A FINE ART TO MAKING A SNOW FORT... FOR THE LIFE OF ME I CANNOT REMEMBER WHAT THE ART IS, BUT I HAVE BUILT MANY SNOW FORTS.
25. Held a lamb. CHECK.
26. Gone skinny dipping. CHECK.
27. Run a marathon. NO. NEVER. EVER.
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice. NO.
29. Seen a total eclipse. POSSIBLY, I CAN'T REMEMBER IF IT WAS A TOTAL ECLIPSE OR NOT, BUT COME TO THINK OF IT, EVEN IF IT WAS A TOTAL ECLIPSE I KNOW THAT I DIDN'T ACTUALLY WATCH IT.
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset. YES.
31. Hit a home run. I COULD NOT EVEN HIT THE BALL AS FAR AS THE PITCHER.
32. Been on a cruise. NO. NEVER. EVER. EVER. EVER.
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person. MANY MANY TIMES. MOST RECENTLY WAS IN OCTOBER AND IT CHANGED. NOT THE FALLS BUT THE TOWN. THERE IS A CASINO AND LUXURY SHOPPING AND 5 STAR HOTELS AND IT IS ALL DESIGNED TO KEEP YOU DOING EVERYTHING ELSE EXCEPT SEE THE FALLS.
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors. HOW FAR BACK ARE WE TALKING HERE?
35. Been to an Amish community. MY MOTHER LIVES IN AMISH COUNTRY, SO, YES.
36. Taught yourself a new language. I ATTEMPTED TO LEARN MANDARIN, UNTIL A FRIEND OF MINE WHO WAS FROM BEIJING TOLD ME I SOUNDED LIKE A DUCK.
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied. YES. BUT THEN WHEN YOU REACH THAT LEVEL, YOU WANT MORE AND WHEN YOU GET MORE, YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY AND THE CYCLE CONTINUES.
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person. NO.
39. Gone rock climbing. SORT OF. I HAVE CLIMBED SOME ROCKS AND SOME CLIFFS BUT NOT IN THAT WHOLE HARNESS AND ROPE WAY.
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David. NO. I WAS TOO BUSY PRETENDING TO BE FRENCH AND PEOPLE WATCHING OUTSIDE OF THE LOUVRE.
41. Sung karaoke. DO I HAVE TO REALLY ADMIT, THAT YES I HAVE SUNG KARAOKE. I RETIRED FROM KARAOKE WHEN I DID A TRULY FANTASTIC VERSION OF ME AND BOBBY MCGEE THAT BROUGHT THE HOUSE DOWN. I FIGURED I SHOULD QUIT ON TOP.
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt. YES. AND YES.
43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant. YES. AN OLD LADY THAT REMINDED ME OF MY GRANDMA.
44. Visited Africa. NO.
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight. YES. ALTHOUGH I SHOULD STATE THAT IT WAS WHEN I WAS YOUNG AND WAS ON ACID AND THE FOAM WAS BLOWING ACROSS THE SAND AND WE WERE FREAKING OUT BECAUSE WE THOUGHT IT WAS LEMMINGS. WHICH OF COURSE IS RIDICULOUS AS WE WERE NO WHERE NEAR THE TUNDRA.
46. Been transported in an ambulance. NO.
47. STILL AWAKE?
48. Gone deep sea fishing. NO.
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person. NO
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris. AGAIN, I WAS TOO BUSY PEOPLE WATCHING UNDERNEATH THE EIFFEL TOWER TO ACTUALLY GO UP.
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling. I UNFORTUNATELY CAN NEVER GO SCUBA DIVING.
52. Kissed in the rain. YES.
53. Played in the mud. YES.
54. Gone to a drive-in theater. YES.
55. Been in a movie. YES.
56. Visited the Great Wall of China. NO.
57. Started a business. YES.
58. Taken a martial arts class. NO.
59. Visited Russia. NO.
60. Served at a soup kitchen. NO.
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies. NO.UNLESS YOU COUNT THAT ONE HALLOWEEN.
62. Gone whale watching. NO.
63. Gotten flowers for no reason. YES.
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma. DONATED? NO. WHEN I WAS 17 I SOLD MY PLASMA FOR $25 A SESSION.
65. Gone sky diving. NO. NEVER. EVER.
66. Visited a Nazi concentration camp. NO.
67. Bounced a check. YES. ONCE. IT WAS WHEN I FIRST MOVED TO CHICAGO AND SPENT ALL OF MY SAVINGS ON MOVING AND HAD NOT YET RECEIVED MY FIRST PAYCHECK (BECAUSE I STILL DIDN'T GET A JOB IN THE NEW TOWN YET) AND I SAW A FABULOUS PAIR OF GUCCI JEANS I HAD TO HAVE. I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING, BUT THE CHECK DID NOT BOUNCE AT GUCCI, BUT THE CHECK TO MY LANDLORD FOR MY VERY FIRST RENT PAYMENT BOUNCED BECAUSE I COULD NOT LIVE WITHOUT THESE JEANS.
68. Flown in a helicopter. YES.
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy. YES.
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial. YES.
71. Eaten caviar. YES! I NEED TO PASS ALONG MY RECIPE FOR CAULIFLOWER PANNA COTTA TOPPED WITH CAVIAR.
72. Pieced a quilt.OH GOD NO.
73. Stood in Times Square. YES.
74. Toured the Everglades. NO.
75. Been fired from a job. YES. ONCE.
76. Seen the changing of the guard in London. NO. IN LONDON I WAS TOO BUSY GOING TO CLUBS INSTEAD OF SEEING THE SITES AND ONLY MANAGED TO ACCIDENTALLY SEE BIG BEN AND PARLIAMENT WHEN I STUMBLED ACROSS IT WHILE LOOKING FOR A RAVE.
77. Broken a bone. YES. I WAS RIDING MY BIKE DOWN A BIG HILL WITH NO HANDS.
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle. NO.
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person. NO.
80. Published a book. NO.
81. Visited the Vatican. NO.
82. Bought a brand new car. NO. I WAS A HUGE TAXI MAN / WALKER THAT I NEVER HAD A NEED TO OWN A CAR. THEREFORE I HAVE ONLY OWNED TWO CARS IN MY LIFE: A VOLVO AND AN AUDI.
83. Walked in Jerusalem. NO.
84. Had your picture in the newspaper. YES.
85. Read the entire Bible. NO.
86. Visited the White House. NO.
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating. YES. FISHING... ALTHOUGH TO BE COMPLETELY HONEST. I NEVER GUTTED THE FISH.
88. Had chickenpox. YES.
89. Saved someone’s life. I HAVE SAVED A FEW DROWNING BEES FROM THE POOL.
90. Sat on a jury. NO.
91. Met someone famous. YES. AND I ALMOST MET SOMEONE WHO IS ALMOST FAMOUS BUT SHE DIDN'T SHOW UP FOR BRUNCH.
92. Joined a book club. YES.
93. Lost a loved one. YES.
94. Had a baby. NO.
95. Seen the Alamo in person. NO..
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake. NO.
97. Been involved in a lawsuit. NO.
98. Owned a cell phone. CHECK.
99. Been stung by a bee. YES. MANY TIMES AS I TRIED TO RESCUE THOSE UNGRATEFUL INSECTS FROM DROWNING IN THE POOL.
Now I would like to apologise for the most boring post ever.
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