I Can't Believe It's Butter

I hate Australian sandwiches.

This is the general construction of sandwich in Australia:

Layer 1: slice of bread.

Layer 2: butter.

Layer 3: One slice of meat.

Layer 4: Lots and lots of "salad".

Layer 5: more butter.

Layer 6: slice of bread.

My first issue with the good ol' Aussie 'sambo' is this:

One slice of meat?!? Who is one peice of meat sandwhich supposed to satisfy? How stingy can one get?

The second and more confrusting is the sandwich is constructed on slices fo buttered bread.... butter on a sandwich... Can you imagine anything less necessary?

The Australians, and one can only assume the British, have an odd habit of smearing butter all over a sandwich. Order a Ham Sandwhich and there is butter on it. Order an egg salad sandwhich and there is butter on it.

When I left my previous place of employment, I was thrown a "leaving-the-company-for-a-better-job-so-let's-all-pretend-we-got-along-and-will-miss-each-other" party. To honour my american heritage, someone made Peanut butter and jelly sandwhiches, with grape jelly.

Now the grape jelly may not seem like a big deal to anyone who is living in the US, but it is next to impossible to find grape jelly in Australia. Why? Beats me. I suppose they use all of the good grapes to make wine, and all the reject grapes to make sub-standard wine for export to America.

So needless to say, I was deeply touched that someone had taken all of this thougt and effort to make Peanut Butter & Jelly Sandwiches with Grape Jelly for my LTCFABJSLAPWGAAWMEO party. So I energetically bit into the sandwich only to discover a layer of butter between the bread and grape jelly AND a layer of butter underneath the blooming peanut butter!

WHY?????

Believe me when I tell you that butter does not add any flavour to the sandwich! You do not even know it is there until all of your sandwich innards slip out from between the bun!
Putting butter on your sandwich is only wasted calories and fat for little return.

Why not use lard? That would give my ass the same amount of jiggle as butter AND contribute to the taste of the sandwich!

While I am on the subject, how do you even spell 'sandwich'?