Monday, August 31, 2009

DEAR ____________

Dear All,

I know it may seem unusual to have a few manhattans on a Monday, but that is the way we roll.

The real truth is that I purchased electronic tickets for Stuart and I to go to a Saturday night female impersonator show at the casino, however on Friday I left my print-out tickets at work. Which meant we were screwed on a night out. (J-Lo bite your tongue!)

You are probably asking, "Why couldn't you just print out the tickets out at home? After all you have have three laptop and two computers between the four you."

You are correct, however we do not have a printer.

So now you are probably asking, "Where are you going with this story? Can I have a refill now?"

Well, I went out on Saturday afternoon to buy a new printer. A wireless one so we can print from where ever we happen to be in the house.. like on the toilet, for instance.

What? Did you just say, "Aaaaannnd???"

Well, when I set up the wireless printer to connect wirelessly to the wireless router which provides wireless networking and wireless internet for our wireless computers, the wireless internet went down, however we could wirelessly print family photos while going to the loo (which cannot be done wirelessly).

At the last minute, the internet came up for a few minutes and I was able to print the tickets (from the toilet) and the night out was spared.

Wake up!

The moral of the story is: My internet went bye-bye and said hello again Sunday night so now we toast on Monday... from the toilet.

Dear Queen of Phrump,

I really like the idea of "Murder Mystery of the Week".. Well I don't actually like the idea of having to deal with a weekly mystery murder, I can see the appeal.

Speaking about dead animals, I was asking Stuart what was normally done when horses die. Apparently there are two options. The first one is to illegally bury it on your property. Of course, this means that as the dead horse bloats, the ground above it rises out, until the gas comes out of the horse some way (I beleive he said the horse exploded, but I am not sure convinced of that), then it collapses back down.

The other option is to have someone take it away where it is processed into blood & bone for the garden.

Both options sound a bit gruesome to me.

Which reminds me that your Addams Family theme is totally awesome! You would make a fantastic Morticia.

Dear Mom #1,

Congratulations on your twin additions!

I do remember Ripley's Believe It or Not tv show. I hated that show. They still try to bring it back every now and then, but that show is just nasty! I can only think of that woman who can pop her eyeballs out.

Now I got the shivers.

The only thing scarier are those plastic ponchos at Niagara Falls.

Possibly a little sinching with a belt an a sequin or two would make them a bit more attractive... Also thinking about it, why were the Walk Behind the Falls ponchos yellow and the Maid of the Mist ponchos blue? If someone fell off the boat, wouldn't they be spotted easier in the blue water if they were in yellow?

What iF that Ripley's woman was on the Maid of the Mist and fell overboard and popped her eyeballs out as she fell?

See that is why I cannot watch or even think about these TV shows!

Dear All,

You are drinking like a fish tonight! I will just "pop out" to the bottle shop to up more bottles. Any suggestions?

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