Today is Friday.
In most offices around the world, Fridays mean people can dress casually to work. I, personally, have never been a fan of the casual Friday policy and for my staff, I revoke this privilege.
My dislike is not for the phony employee work-spirit reasons behind the policy, it is for the people who take advantage of the "casual" part.
Over the years I have seen flip flops with cut off jean shorts, striped socks worn over acid washed jeans (and this was not in the 80s, folks), tank tops and hot pants. What threw me over the edge was when I noticed people wearing sweat pants with old t-shirts and uncombed hair… obviously still in their pajamas.
You might be thinking, "So what?"
If that is what you are thinking, you are obviously one of those people who wear your pajamas to work. To which I ask "Are you a professional pajama. model for K-Mart?"
If you answered 'yes', then you may have a martini.
If you answered 'no' then I have these words of wisdom:
When you walk through the office door and think you can pass your sweats off as legitimate day wear… you would be wrong!
Honey, when your sweatshirt has images of Winnie the Pooh holing a blanket… THOSE ARE YOUR PAJAMAS!!!
When your pants have pink cupcakes on them and are made from flannel… THOSE ARE YOUR PAJAMAS!!!!!!
If your skirt has a border of marabou feathers… THOSE ARE YOUR PAJAMAS!!
If your overcoat has an uncanny resemblance to a blanket with arm holes… THOSE ARE YOUR PAJAMAS!!!
And babycakes, I have never heard of power suit pajamas.
Now you might be thinking "It is obviously that time of the month for Hula Hank."
To which I respond, "You are right, it is that time of the month… The time of the month to get some new clothes."
To which you reply "Now it all makes sense, you are obviously upset because you are tired of all the clothes in your closet and are left with only pajamas to wear."
To which I respond, "You are cut off of the martinis."
To which you reply "So what is the matter Hula Hank? What is with your rant on the power suit pajama wearers in the world?... and get to the point, this post is long and boring and I need to be drunk just to have read this far."
To which I respond, I have always worked in jobs which require public and media interaction, sometimes unexpected.
One day, several years ago, comfortably dressed in a black turtle neck and natural hair do, I arrived at the office straight from a cross country red-eye flight. I was in my airplane pajamas.
That very same day not one, not two, but three local TV stations all had to have on-camera interviews with me regarding an incident that happened overnight.
You are thinking, "Stop being so prissy and go home and change into a beautiful suit."
What I failed to mention is when I arrived at the office they were already waiting at the door and my airplane pajamas were broadcast on the 5 o'clock news.
Additionally, what if I was to die that day? Do I want to die wearing my airplane pajamas at work? The last image of me being one of uncombed hair and an old black turtle neck sweater?
I think not.
From that day on, I only wear suits and ties with all the proper accoutrement (ie man bling) and perfectly polished shoes. My casual Friday means not wearing a jacket.
However, today, in the middle of a meeting I noticed that one half of the front of my perfectly pressed shirt is still wrinkled. There is also small hole on the shoulder.
So today I thought, "What is the point?"
I would have looked better in my pajamas… and I don't wear pajamas.
Who wants a martini?
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