Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Because I Have Nothing Better to Do

A few months ago, I credited the soundtrack to the movie of my life by taking a list of life’s events, putting my computer’s music player on random, then as each song came on, putting that song with the events on the list (in succession, of course).

I thought I would make it a bit more challenging, so using the same “movie” premise, I put my music player on random, wrote down the title and artist of the first 15 songs that played. Here is the list:

1. 5 Months 2 Weeks 2 Days – Louis Prima
2. Somewhere – Tom Waits
3. C’est si bon – Eartha Kitt
4. Cherry Bomb – The Runaways
5. Superhuman – Gus Gus
6. My Own Best Friend – Chicago Broadway Show Soundtrack
7. It’s a Raggy Waltz – Dave Brubeck
8. Chocolate – Kylie Minogue
9. Ruby Baby – Gling-Glo (Bjork)
10. I Could Write a Book – Ella Fitzgerald
11. A Question of Honour – Sarah Brightman
12. La Conga Blicoti – Josephine Baker
13. Tangerine – Herb Albert & the Tijuana Brass
14. Hurry Home – Sarah Brightman
15. Free Man in Paris – Joni Mitchell

I will now attempt to write a movie plot that corresponds to the song list, in the same order as they were randomly played.

…er, or maybe not. As I review the music list, I cannot see how I would ever be able to make a coherent movie from a soundtrack that consists of The Runaways, Josephine Baker & the ‘Chicago’ - 1996 Broadway Revival Cast Album?

Oh god! Now how am I ever going to back out of this post? What did I get myself in to? Oh god! Oh god! My career’s screenplay career is over!!!! Oh god! Oh god!!!

There Is Only One Conclusion...

Last week, as I was walking through a carpark, my eyes were attracted to shiny silver coins laying on the ground. Of course, I wanted to lunge down to scoop them up and shove them in my pocket before anyone noticed, but I stopped myself. I thought, "It is only about 45 cents, and you don't know where those coins have been."

As I stood staring at the coins out of the corner of my eye, I noticed there were other objects in the pile of coins. A well used eye shadow brush and a bunch of pink sequins... in the middle of an office car park.

There is only one logical explanation... someone mugged a drag queen.