Hula Hank Looks Like...

Yet another Google Party Trick! You may remember from this post that I came across a fun Google trick on The Jason Show where you type your name into Google followed by a partial phrase (i.e. "likes", "needs", "wants to") and see the first 10 things that come up.

Here is what happend when I typed "HULA HANK LOOKS LIKE..." into Google.

HULA HANK LOOKS LIKE...

… Monkey Magic, in my opinion. (I will have to research this one, as I don’t what Monkey Magic is and if I do in fact, look like Monkey Magic)

…one of those football guys with a 3 month pregnant belly. (I thought I wasn’t showing yet!)

…they had sex the whole way there. (and boy are my arms tired!)

…he’s almost to the point of walking on water and turning water into wine. (A fabulous red wine, perfectly paired with roast lamb)

…you! (Hello, gorgeous!)

…the before shot in a Proactive ad. (Ouch.)

…attractive to me. (I think you’re hot, too!)

…John Glover. (Touch my heart. With your foot.)

…adorable in these photos, if I do say so myself, I love his chubbiness. (bitch.)

…too clean to be real. (I would hate to smell this person)

And a pinch to grow an inch:

…a homeless fitness trainer. (Those fabulous arm muscles came from years of pushing aluminium cans in a shopping cart.)

My Life in Mosaic

1. Haunu`u Ho`opai, 2. Typical French Food, 3. Bedford Historical Society, 4. Green Tea Sunset, 5. Rock Hudson, 6. manhattan, 7. The Queen and her commoners HDR, 8. Answering My Own Question, 9. TOM FORD, 10. pony under oak5285, 11. Mysterious Visitation, 12. Hula-- hand dyed sock yarn

Each one of the above photo graphs represent a question which was asked about me. I dare you to figure out the questions from the photographs.

And Now for Something Completely Ridiculous (4/50)

Once again, something cool I am stealing from another blog The Jason Show

In Google, type in a phrase beginning with your name. In this case "Hula Hank likes", then take note of the first 10 site contents that come up beginning with the phrase "Hula Hank likes". Or at least I think that is how it works. If that is not how it works, then that is how it works now. How are the control issues coming along, you ask?

HULA HANK LIKES...

... to hump.

... to crawl around on the floor and pop anything into his mouth. (I wonder if this is related to number 1)

... to become one with is inner Joe Jackson from time to time. (Who doesn't?)

... to tinker. (See number 1 and 2)

... the Yellow Tail logo so much he's considering a tattoo of it. (cool logo, crap wine)

... go everywhere his daddy goes. (My heart belongs to daddy)

... to cook, laugh and have fun, but also has bad visions and is afraid of horses.

... cake. (Cake! Definitely cake! I love cake!)

... to write and runs a search engine in the outdoor industry. (I don't know what the fuck that means)

... to go to the dog park with Tanner and I. (Everyone loves going to he dog park with Tanner!)

And a pinch to grow an inch:

... to roll around naked in the sand.

Because I Have Nothing Better to Do

A few months ago, I credited the soundtrack to the movie of my life by taking a list of life’s events, putting my computer’s music player on random, then as each song came on, putting that song with the events on the list (in succession, of course).

I thought I would make it a bit more challenging, so using the same “movie” premise, I put my music player on random, wrote down the title and artist of the first 15 songs that played. Here is the list:

1. 5 Months 2 Weeks 2 Days – Louis Prima
2. Somewhere – Tom Waits
3. C’est si bon – Eartha Kitt
4. Cherry Bomb – The Runaways
5. Superhuman – Gus Gus
6. My Own Best Friend – Chicago Broadway Show Soundtrack
7. It’s a Raggy Waltz – Dave Brubeck
8. Chocolate – Kylie Minogue
9. Ruby Baby – Gling-Glo (Bjork)
10. I Could Write a Book – Ella Fitzgerald
11. A Question of Honour – Sarah Brightman
12. La Conga Blicoti – Josephine Baker
13. Tangerine – Herb Albert & the Tijuana Brass
14. Hurry Home – Sarah Brightman
15. Free Man in Paris – Joni Mitchell

I will now attempt to write a movie plot that corresponds to the song list, in the same order as they were randomly played.

…er, or maybe not. As I review the music list, I cannot see how I would ever be able to make a coherent movie from a soundtrack that consists of The Runaways, Josephine Baker & the ‘Chicago’ - 1996 Broadway Revival Cast Album?

Oh god! Now how am I ever going to back out of this post? What did I get myself in to? Oh god! Oh god! My career’s screenplay career is over!!!! Oh god! Oh god!!!

I Always Thought My Life Should be a Musical

I was reading a great blog the other day ( ham & cheese on wry ) and there was a really fun activity listed on there… Creating the soundtrack to the movie of your life.

The rules are as follows:

Open up whatever program or device you use to listen to music (media player, iTunes, etc), put it on random and go through the list below.

The first song that comes up will be played during your opening credits, second song which is played will be played during your wake up scene, and so forth.

Here is the soundtrack to the movie of my life:

Opening Credits: "Angel" Aretha Franklin
Someone is sending for an angel, and here I come.

Waking Up: "Desormais" Charles Aznavour
The title means 'henceforth' but I am not really clear on the rest of the lyrics, I believe it is about revenge in love (the French are always good for lyrics like that). In any case, it is a good waking up song for several reasons, one being the literal 'Henceforth" as in "Henceforth unto the day." The next reason is because it's just a really peppy sounding song and if I actually did wake up to it I would be in a great mood all morning.

First Day of School: "Dancing on the Ceiling" Ella Fitzgerald
No, this is not the Lionel Richie song. Remember that video with all those people dancing on the ceiling? That was cool.

Falling in Love: "Treat Me Rough" Ella Fitzgerald
I don't wish to make an explanation for this one.

Fight Song: "One Night Only (Disco version)" Dreamgirls Movie Soundtrack
This is not the most aggressive of fight songs but just imagine all the great sparkly costumes and fantastic disco choreography! Plus Beyonce would be there… It is going to be the most fabulous fight scene ever!

Breaking Up: "Love for Sale" Ella Fitzgerald
This song just screams "I have been used and abused, but I will keep coming back for more!" …or maybe it is my window media player's way of calling me a cheap puta.

Prom: "I Come From a Land Down Under" Men at Work
This one is especially interesting since I did not go to the prom, therefore this song will not be appearing in my movie. And even though it is a movie and things will be altered to make me look good, I still am not going to re-write my life to go to the prom. The mere mention of a prom reminds me of a picture of my oldest sister at her prom. It was 1985. She wore a pink lacy dress that had a hoop skirt.

Life: "Espabilate" Josephine Baker
Don't you just LUUUUUUUURVE Josephine Baker? I have no idea what the song means. However once I fell asleep listening to a Josephine Baker CD and my entire dream I spoke and understood perfect Parisian French. It was the best dream ever.

Mental Breakdown: "The Half of It, Dearie, Blues" Ella Fitzgerald
To quote a lyric from this song, "You are just a duffer, who makes me suffer." So obviously in my life movie, my mental breakdown will be over some man. I reckon that my real life breakdown will happen when I wake up from a dream and realise that I cannot actually speak and understand perfect Parisian French.

Driving: "Dirty Harry" Bootie Brown/Gorillaz
I don't actually know how this song got in my library, but it has a really funky 70s blaxplotation movie meets Barney Miller feel to it. And of course, after having a mental breakdown, one always goes driving.

Flashback: "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town" Johnny Mercer
Yes, I am a loser who listens to Christmas music even when it is not Christmas.

Getting Back Together: "One Way Ticket" Mama Cass
If you get back together with someone, it should be because you love them and they love you and both have placed issues and insecurities aside because you trust and feel safe with that other person. If you get back together with anyone, there is no going back.

Wedding: "You've Got What Gets Me" Ella Fitzgerald
Well, obviously.

Birth of a Child: "Fame" Fame, Original Broadway Soundtrack
Because any child that I spawn is going to live forever and learn how to fly.

Final Battle: "Where or When" Ella Fitzgerald
This song is about déjà vu. So when I make my final battle it will be one that I have fought before but from which I learned nothing.

Death Scene: "Human Behaviour" Bjork
Just seems fitting for a death scene.

Funeral: "By the Beautiful Sea" Some Like It Hot Soundtrack
I think it kind of turns my funeral into something more fun, like a New Orleans funeral only in 1920s Miami.

End Credits: "Ballade No. 2 in F Major, Op. 38" Chopin (composer)
Oh, well. No one stays for the end credits anyway