YOU ASKED FOR IT - APPLE BUTTER RECIPE

Due to the popular demand, I hereby share with you an apple butter recipe you can make at home or during a block party. It is almost summer in the US, so you have plenty of time to plan and gather all the ingredients before October!

If you are in Australia, well, you are too late. The apple harvest has just finished for the season. The good news is that you have an entire year to plant apple trees, find a copper kettle and sew your very own bonnet.

If anyone happens to have a bunch of Pennsylvania Dutch people lying around, here is a traditional recipe from 1839.

“Cider for apple butter must be perfectly new from the press, and the sweeter and mellower the apples are of which it is made, the better will the apple butter be.

Boil the cider till reduced to one half its original quantity, and skim it well.

Do not use for this purpose an iron kettle, or the butter will be very dark, and if you use a brass or copper kettle, it must be scoured as clean and bright as possible, before you put the cider into it, and you must not suffer the butter to remain in it a minute longer than is actually necessary to prepare it, or it will imbibe a copperish taste that will render it not only unpleasant, but really unhealthy.

It is best to prepare it late in the fall, when the apples are quite mellow. Select those that have a fine flavor, and will cook tender; pare and quarter them from the cores, and boil them in the cider till perfectly soft, having plenty of cider to cover them well.

If you wish to make it on a small scale, do not remove the apples from the cider when they get soft, but continue to boil them gently in it till the apples and cider form a thick smooth marmalade, which you must stir almost constantly towards the last.

A few minutes before you take it from the fire, flavor it highly with cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, and cloves, and when the seasonings are well intermixed, put it up in jars, tie folded paper over them and keep them in a cool place.

If made in a proper manner, it will keep good more than a year, and will be found very convenient, being always in readiness.

Many people who are in the habit of making apple butter, take it from the fire before it is boiled near enough. Both to keep it well and taste well, it should be boiled long after the apples have become soft, and towards the last, simmered over coals till it gets almost thick enough to slice.

If you wish to make it on a large scale, after you have boiled the first kettle full of apples soft, remove them from the cider, draining them with a perforated ladle that the cider may fall again to the kettle, and put them into a clean tub.

Fill up the kettle with fresh apples, having them pared and sliced from the cores, and having ready a kettle of boiling cider, that is reduced to at least half its original quantity; fill up the kettle of apples with it as often as is necessary.
When you have boiled in this manner as many apples as you wish, put the whole of them in a large kettle, or kettles, with the cider, and simmer it over a bed of coals till it is so thick, that it is with some difficulty you can stir it: it should be stirred almost constantly, with a wooden spaddle, or paddle, or it will be certain to scorch at the bottom or sides of the kettle.

Shortly before you take it from the fire, season it as before directed, and then put it up in jars."

If you are without a spaddle or bed of coals, I have altered the above into a 12 Step recipe:

Step 1. Grab your Golden Girls DVD and put into DVD player. If you are looking for more of a pioneer atmosphere when making apple butter try watching Little House on the Prairie.

Step 2. Take two kilos (about 4.5 pounds) of apples, peel two of them and then sigh “Oh my god, there is no way I am peeling all these apples!” Fortunately, peeling the apples is optional.

Step 3. Quarter the apples and dump them in the slow cooker with ½ cup of apple cider, 3 cups sugar and a dash of cinnamon and nutmeg. Then stir to mix. I cannot get apple cider down here, so I used an organic and freshly pressed apple juice, with no added sugar.

Step 4. Put your slow cooker on high and cook apples for three hours.

Step 5. After three hours, turn the slow cooker on low and let cook for another 9 hours or so, stirring occasionally.

Step 6. Now take a small amount of the cooked apples and puree in blender or food processor until smooth. Put the processed apple mixture in a bowl and continue until all of the apples and juice are pureed.

Word of caution: When I made a pineapple panna cotta, I pureed the piping hot pineapple mixture and was rewarded by a blender exploding boiling hot pineapple all over my face (Note to Mr Show, JLo and Pumpkin Delight: No jokes please about hot liquids exploding in one’s face). Avoid this horrific experience by blending only a small amount of apples and lifting the lid every few seconds to let the steam escape.

Step 7. Once all of the cooked apples have been pureed, put back into the slow cooker and add more spices. I really enjoy the spicy bite of cinnamon so basically I dumped in an unspecified amount until I was happy with the taste.

Step 8. After the mixture is perfectly seasoned, cook on low for about 2 or 3 more hours, stirring occasionally.

Step 9. When finished, the apple butter should be extremely thick in texture and a deep brown in colour.

Step 10. At this point, you should realise that you failed to obtain any mason jars. Quickly dump out the commercial pasta sauce and strong pickled onions from their jars, thoroughly wash and dry said jars and fill with apple butter.

Step 11. I set the filled jars upside down for about an hour or two and when I turned them over, the lids miraculously sealed! This may work for you, although I cannot guarantee that this technique seals well enough to store outside of the refrigerator.

Step 12. The final step is to proudly announce your culinary achievement to your ungrateful family, who will then refuse to even take one small taste.

I am fortunate enough to be surrounded by orchards that produce fruit year round. Peaches, Nectarines, Persimmons, Pears, Apples and let us not forget my own orchard’s specialty: Plums.

My intention is to attempt a butter out of each and every one of these fruits as they are harvested.

Do you think I should start a local apple butter festival?

FW: WHAT? IT'S NOT BLOODY FRIDAY YET?

This has been the absolute longest week in history... ever...

It has been non stop holiday lunches and brunches. I have received 3 invites from my work alone. One was for a company-wide picnic in the botanical park. I didn't go. Picnics are not moments meant to be shared with co-workers whom you do not even wish to socialise at work. Picnics are for getting drunk and laying naked in the grass.

The other two work invites for a dinner and brunch, respectively. They both started out right, but ended with the same sentence:

"ALL STAFF WHO ATTEND MUST ASSIST IN CLEANING UP AFTERWORDS."

I won't be RSVP'ing to either of those.

How many Secret Santa's can one do in a year before you realise a total of $300 has been spent buying presents for people whose names you pulled out of hat?

I was totally in the holiday spirit on Monday. I pranced around placing fabulous sparkling baubles on plants, lamps and puppies while singing "We Need a Little Christmas" from Mame. Now it is Thursday and the only holiday spirit I want is vodka with three green and red olives.

TEST TUBE KITCHEN - Pineapple Panna Cotta

Recently my entire existence changed when I tasted the best panna cotta I have ever had in my life. This particular cauliflower panna cotta was the topic of last week’s Fabulous Friday. Since that epiphanous culinary outing, I have been obsessed with creating new and replicating interesting twists on the panna cotta experience.

The past two weeks I have turned my kitchen into a panna cotta palace as I obsessively created diagrams, altered recipes and collected prime ingredients. Thus far, I have made over 15 different varieties of panna cotta, both sweet and savoury.

Today I have decided to share with you a recipe which was literally created in my panna cotta palace! Although the result is delicious and aromatic, it is not quite perfect. I share this recipe with you in hopes that after you attempt to create it over the weekend, you can help me get it right.

Let’s getting cooking Pineapple Panna Cotta!

Before I begin to tell you of the beautiful smell of the cooking pineapple and coconut milk or the ecstasy of eating the leftover cuttings of a perfectly ripened pineapple, I must first give you this bit of advice – NEVER PUT STEAMING HOT LIQUIDS IN A BLENDER!!!!!

THE LID WILL BLOW OFF AND THE STEAMING HOT CONTENTS WILL EXPLODE ALL OVER YOU, YOUR KITCHEN AND YOUR COCKTAIL!!!!

Now that I have potentially saved your drink from catastrophe, let’s begin with the ingredients for Pineapple Panna Cotta:

Half a Pineapple
1 tin Coconut Milk
1 cup Heavy Cream
1/2 cup White Sugar
1/3 cup Milk
2 ½ tsp Gelatine
1 tsp Vanilla Essence

You may notice that there is a bottle of Frangelico in the photo. That was not to go into the recipe; it was to drink while making the Pineapple Panna Cotta.

Begin by gathering all your ingredients, utensils, blender, pan and moulds. This is immediately followed by fixing your cocktail and turning on music.

Cut the Pineapple in cubes (AFTER removing the skin and core).

Pour another cocktail.



Next in a bowl put 1/2 cup Milk and sprinkle Gelatine over milk, let stand.
Next mix the Pineapple, Coconut Milk, Heavy Cream, Sugar & several dashes of Vanilla Essence in a sauce pan. Place on medium heat and bring to a slow boil, stirring occasionally.

Pour another cocktail.

I was in heaven by the smells wafting from the stovetop. The tropical scent of the pineapple mixed with the rich, warm aroma of the cream had me floating around the kitchen. I wish I could capture that scent in a candle.

Pour another cocktail. Dance to music.

As the Pineapple chunks tenderise and the creamy mixture come to a boil, remove it from heat and dump the contents into a blender and pulse until smooth.



The picture I did not take was of the blender exploding steaming hot pineapple cream all over the kitchen walls, decorating my laptop and smothering my hair with tropical island lather.

Pour another cocktail.



Place what is left of the Pineapple mixture back into the pan and stir in the gelatine and milk mixture. Bring to boil for one minute, stirring constantly.



Next pour the mixture into ramekins / moulds / martini glasses / coffee mugs / ashtrays and bring to room temperature. Then chill for at least 4 hours or overnight, ideally.

Pour another cocktail.

To remove panna cotta from ramekins / moulds place in warm water for 5 seconds. Put chilled plate over top of moulds, holding on to the plate and the mould, flip the plate over and shake the panna cotta loose.



I originally was going to make a ginger jelly and use crushed macadamia nuts to top the Pineapple Panna Cotta. I ran out of time to make the ginger jelly and I forgot to buy macadamia nuts. So I used thickened cream and crushed cashews.

Time for the taste test!

The flavour is very strong pineapple, slightly subdued by the cream and coconut milk. It was also runnier than a panna cotta should be, which means I may have to increase the amount of gelatine to 3 tsp.

This panna cotta has promise, but it needs some tweaking to make it perfection! This is where I need your help. After you make this recipe to your own specifications, give me your thoughts on what made or would make it perfect!


OTHER POSSIBLE OPTIONS

- Increase gelatine to 3 tsp
- Try vanilla bean instead of vanilla extract
- Strain pineapple bits from mixture after pureeing in the blender, if this takes away some of the pineapple flavour, you may want to use the strained pineapple chunks to create a gelee as garnish.
- Make smaller portions, garnish generously with fresh ginger and serve in between courses as a palate cleanser (instead of the traditional citrus sorbet).
- Make fancy white chocolate nests to use as garnish, garnish place with crushed macadamia nuts, and use pineapple leaf to add height.


COOKING COCKTAIL

I initially started out with Frangelico over ice. Another word of advice, Frangelico and pineapple DO NOT play well together. So I recommend to you a Pink Grapefruit Martini. This consists of 60ml Campari and 120ml Cointreau topped with soda water.



MUSIC TO COOK BY

Original Cast Recording of “Mame” starring Angela Lansbury and Bea Arthur.

Fabulous Friday... On Monday!

Today’s Fabulous Friday topic is… Omelettes!!

Omelettes are a versatile anytime food and have limitless varieties, but Ok, Ok, omelettes are not terribly fabulous.

Who here learned how to make an omelette in school? It was complicated! You had to let the egg set in the pan, then lift to let the raw egg fall underneath so that it may cook. Then when it was all done, you had to somehow fold it over without breaking it and flip it onto a plate.

Let’s not even mention the water or milk debate.

I had completely given up on the omelette ages ago, until last year when I vacationed at a nameless tropical resort and every morning was given an omelette made to order. These cooks used the same techniques I used in school, only they made it look so simple.

Once I got back home I rushed out and bought the best omelette pan I could find, and set off ready to make mass orders of omelettes. In my mind, just by watching these cooks for 10 days, combined with a faded memory of middle school home ec, was all the practice I needed.

I arranged a Sunday brunch for seven people, which included croissants, jam, sausages, bacon, has browns, freshly squeezed orange juice and the piece de la resistance… made to order omelettes, cooked by moi!

In my mind, I was prepared. I was Martha Stewart, I believed that all the ingredients were fresh, perfectly prepared and, best of all, everything came perfect.

My bubble quickly burst when the first omelette ended being more like omelette flavoured scrambled eggs. No worries, the first one is always the test round.

Well, normally the first round is the test round, in this case rounds 1 - 6 were also test rounds. Each one coming out broken, burnt, raw, over cooked or scrambled.

By round 7, I had finally somewhat perfected the art of omelette making.. Or at least the art of making the omelette resemble an actual omelette. Thank goodness the last one was for me.

After that traumatic brunch, I put away the pan and apron and retired from omelette making.

Last week, I came across a clip of Julia Child teaching us how to properly make an omelette. She used techniques I had never seen before and it was all over in less than 30 seconds… wait, are we still talking about omelettes?

Julia Child revolutionised omelette making to me! She has reinspired me to not give up on the omelette and in return, for the past week, I have not been able to stop making omelettes!

A new world has opened up to me, and that is Fabulous.

Goddamn Pisces and Our Inability to Make a Final Decision!

I am trying to throw the most fabulous birthday bash our block has ever seen, one problem, I am a fucking Pisces. Which means that I am naturally fabulous and creative, if only I could make a fucking decision.

My dilemna is; Should I serve:

A. Sangria & tapas

or

B. Margaritas & chilli prawns

And please, please do not add to the mix and suggest martinis & stuffed mushrooms. I do not need any further confusion!!

Aunt Bertha's Blue Ribbon Pie

It is the first day of a new week.

Not really of much importance, but the sentence somehow is full of hope and looking upwards towards the future, almost in a "world war two soldier propaganda poster" sort of way.

In light of that spirit of opportunism, I have decided that I shall make self predictions of the week ahead:

Prediction 1 - I will get upset that all my socks have disappeared and will end up wearing the same ones for at least two days in a row.

Prediction 2 - I will drink approximately 7 cappucinos.

Prediction 3 - I will eat spaghetti bolognese at least once.

Prediction 4 - I will drink approximately 18 scotch & sodas (keep your fingers crossed this one comes true).

This upcoming Saturday I will be having a Christmas in July party. I have not made any plans for food or invited anyone as yet, but I have set a date and told the family that we are having an X-mas in July party then. I have also did a "test-bake" for a lemon meringue pie.

Let me tell you! Lemon meringue pie may appear to be simple, but it is NOT!

Don't believe those bitches that tell you, "Oh that's easy" and then give a little smirk. Just thinking about that smirk makes me want to smack them.

First you have to make the pastry, then refrigerate the pastry, then roll the pastry and some how manage to get the pastry from the counter into the pie dish without breaking, tearing or crumbling the dough. Then you have to pinch the edges. My mum does this and makes the pinches look appetising, my pinches however resemble something similar to the tip of Micheal Jackson's nose.

After pinching little noses into the pastry, you have to bake the pastry. Whilst the pastry is baking, you need to squeeze a bunch of lemons, and boil lemon juice, flour, corn starch and more sugar than you want to admit to putting in.

This all sounds easy, right? Well, as you may be aware freshly squeezed lemon juice can have seeds. You spend several minutes, picking out the "floaties" with a tiny spoon and give a great big shout out when this task is complete. This moment of happiness is of course a false confidence because after you dump the jug of juice into the pan, there are about 100 big seeds which were hiding in the bottom of the jug that are now mocking you as they make a bed in the gooey concoction!

I am not about to go digging the seeds out of the mixture, so I just stirred them into the other ingredients. That is a secret between the two of us, and gratefully nobody noticed or chipped a tooth when tasting the pie.

So the mixture is boiling and I took my eyes of it for one second, I barely had enough time to pour a drink, light a cigarette and send some text messages, before the stuff started burning!

Well, I figured it was done, so I grabbed a big spoon and give it a good stir to mix the brown burnt bits into the attractive yellow bit, to make a deep yellow.
Now you have to send that aside to cool and make your meringue, also at this point, you should have taken your pie pastry out of the oven. That part is important to remember, because as I have discovered, a pie pastry is not like toast, you cannot just scrap the black part off with a knife.

As for the meringue, despite the occassional egg shell, is actually very simple (insert smirk here).

There are some other things that you have to do to finish the pie, but they are not exciting, so let's skip to the good part. I had some people taste it. The kids liked the meringue, but no the lemon part. But they are kids, what do they know for taste?

Despite the kids not liking the lemon part, the adults loved the whole pie! The only problem is that all of the adults who tasted the pie are coming over for X-mas in July (once I send out the invites anyway). So of course, now that they have already had the pie, I cannot serve the pie at the party.