Control Issues Continued (3/50)

Let’s continue with “Handling the Need to Control”

Moving on to the next checklist entitled “Control Mechanisms: A Self Assessment”

Pencils out. Eyes down. Begin.

X 1. You act helpless, incompetent or lost.
X 14. You play up on their guilt and over responsible nature to get what you want.
X 16. You fall apart when faced with having to do something which you would rather not do
X17. You play up to a person who has a need to fix things that have gotten so “out of control” for you.

Again, according to the note at the bottom of the checklist, if you have checked more that 3 items, you over use control mechanisms to get people to do what you could do for yourself.

So what have I learned by this exercise, besides the fact that the people at coping.org have a wild tendency to overuse commas? I ignore any task that I do not want to complete and then play the dumb blonde so others can take pity and do it for me.

Is feigning incompetence or stupidity really an attractive trait in a person? I most certainly wouldn’t put up with that act from anyone. Do I have zero patience for this routine because I know from experience that it is a routine?

I also use guilt for manipulative purposes. Is that so bad? I figure if the other party has done something to feel guilty, then they probably need to do the required task to make up for whatever is they feel guilty about.

See? Everyone wins!

Nobody Likes Long Posts (2/50)

Control Issues Part Two. Nobody likes to read long blog posts. Just think of this as Oprah and then "Oprah: After the Show".

On the internet there is tons of information on Control Issues and Being Controlled. One of these sites is uber-annoying (because he is always right) Dr. Phil. Dr. Phil takes a very black & white approach by stating that you need to evaluate the "costs" of the situation and if it is costing you your identity, dreams or dignity then the cost is too high.

On ya Dr. Phil! But for us folks where life isn't so cut and dry, I found this site here: http://www.coping.org/control/need.htm

This site has checklists! There is nothing better than checklists in diagnosing seriously psychological issues! So, in the spirit of Dr Phil, let's get real and do this check list together and see how many people who read Hula Hank have control issues (and I know who the one reader is so no cheating).

The first checklist is: "Need to Control: A Self Assessment" Are your pencils ready?

My answers:

X 3. You hate to be out of control or to lose your control

X 6. You hate to have peopl see your true feelings especially if they are angry, unpleasant or negative.

X 8. You are afraid of being manipulated or led into doing something you really don't want to do.

X 11. You have an image, dream or ideal of the way things are supposed to be and you work at trying to get it to be that way. (Is this a bad thing?"

The note at the bottom says If you have checked 3 or more, you have a tendency to overcontrol the people, places and things in your life.

I checked 4. I have the need to control.

What were your results?